some canadian guys writing about soccer

I don’t know Chris Michalski. Heck, I don’t even know if Chris is a man or a woman (damned gender-non-specific first names). All I know is that Chris has written an editorial piece for the Notre Damn Observer today entitled “No hope for Ohio sports“. As a Toronto sports fan, my senses perk up whenever I detect self-loathing amongst folks in other cities, ready as I am to interject with “hey, you think you have it bad…”

But Chris makes a decent case: the Browns are enduring a sloppy QB controversy and are as terrible as ever (though the Bengals are doing alright), life is terrible for Indians fans as they had to watch two recently-departed members of their rotation start in game one of the World Series, neither of them for Cleveland (though, again, the Cincinnati Reds have some young and promising guys), the Blue Jackets are mired in ongoing mediocrity and even the Cavaliers have gotten off to a disappointing 0-2 start (though the LeBron James Show will kick into overdrive soon enough, I’m sure.)

So, sure, it could be worse, but it’s still pretty dire. As Chris asks, “There have to be some Ohio teams playing well, right?” Chris then answers: “I’ve got one: the Columbus Crew.”

Hey, alright, this could be something. Dissect the failings of the state’s other crummy franchises, then rebuild your readership’s optimism by extolling the virtues of one of the few on-field successes.

This must be the team to root for. Only one problem: no one cares about soccer.

Oh. I see. What a clever, incisive remark. And the exact same remark that’s been made a hundred million times, on both sides of the border, from people of all levels of fame and influence, from pompous blowhards like Jim Rome down to probably-well-meaning university students like Chris Michalski.

Why don’t all of those people just, once and for all, replace the words “no one” with the word “I”? Because really, that’s all they’re saying. They’re saying: “I don’t care about soccer, and so as to reaffirm my faith in my own choice, I’m going to perpetuate the notion that no one likes it.”

It’d be one thing if the point being made was that “no one in Columbus cares about soccer” — the Crew have seen their share of attendance fluctuations, but that applies to pretty much every team in the league (and yes, I’m including Toronto in that statement). But even then, it’s nowhere near being accurate. Tell the folks in the Nordecke that they don’t care about soccer, see what they say.

I’m not trying to jump down the throat of some college kid who was trying to make a point. Chris, just so you know, this isn’t aimed at you, in case you happen to find this post while Googling your name.

It’s just that the mindless, tired parroting of the exact same “no one cares about soccer” line seems especially ridiculous considering the overwhelming — and continually increasing — evidence to the contrary.

Look, I know it scares haters of the game to think that they’re actually losing ground… that this horrifying, exotic, foreign bogeyman of a sport may actually be catching on and gaining significant numbers of followers on these shores. But it’s happening. It’s reality. You can’t stop it.

And if you’re going to try, at least come up with some new material.

Besides, Chris, even if you don’t care about the Crew, it’s not all bad news. I hear Cleveland is nice this time of year.