Well, that was a good start…

Posted in Canada, Gold Cup with tags , on July 4, 2009 by squizz

What is there to be said? (”You tell us, you’re the blogger.”) If you were looking for a tightly-played, precise game of technical beauty… or a fast, flowing, openly entertaining showcase of footie… well, last night’s Canada/Jamaica match wasn’t for you. But, if you’re a fan of borderline-sloppy, walking-on-eggshells games where both squads and sets of fans are still nursing the pain of being eliminated from World Cup qualifying, then oh baby, were you in luck!

The scene inside Scallywags was pretty raucous (and, as several people suggested, likely consisted of more people than the Canadian supporters sections in actual attendance at any of the Gold Cup group matches). The clearly-not-as-emotionally-invested-as-the-rest-of-us clowns off in the corner, with their loud and ironic chanting, were starting to get on my nerves… but once Ali Gerba managed to fumble and stumble his way onto the end of a Mike Klukowski cross and slot it past Donovan fuckin’ Ricketts, well, no level of nimroddery could ruin my night.

And it should be noted that fellow Some Canadian Guy Jamie — just like the last time Canada played Jamaica in a meaningful match — was in the washroom when Canada’s goal was scored… less than 30 seconds after I’d said “de Guzman will probably pot one while you’re in the bathroom”. It was Gerba but, same difference. Jamie declined to spend the entirety of Tuesday’s game in the can (even if it was for the good of the nation).

I’m sure we’ll have more to say on our podcast tomorrow, so check back late Sunday evening.

Latin America newspaper roundup: Eve of the Gold Cup

Posted in Canada, Gold Cup, International with tags , on July 3, 2009 by Grant

My Spanish is basically non-existent, but it’s amazing what intense curiousity combined with Google Translate can do these days. I’ve likely erred somehow in my summaries of the articles below, so I decided to post the Spanish links if you wish to check the content yourself.

La Prensa (El Salvador): The head of the Honduran football federation reiterates that the political turmoil back home will not affect his squad’s preparation, concentration or – most importantly – participation in the Gold Cup. I wonder if any of the players will wear armbands, Iranian-style?

Nacion.com (Costa Rica): The sports pages are aflutter with news today of two firsts a) Costa Rica has risen above Mexico in the FIFA rankings and b) they are the second-highest ranked squad in CONCACAF after the U.S. Despite remarks earlier this week by the Costa Rican manager Rodrigo Kenton that the Gold Cup really doesn’t matter, the Ticos have sent a very strong squad, little changed from the one that is now topping the Hex in World Cup qualifying. They want to win this tournament.

vefutbol.com.mx (Mexico): An alarmist piece lamenting the decline of Mexican football since the country won the Confederations Cup in 1999. It’s actually pretty hilarious if you read some of the defensive and insecure ramblings in the comments section blasting the writer for not knowing what he’s talking about. As far as I can tell this is Mexico’s largest sports daily, and they are running a big Gold Cup preview package off the front of their website. So there, while nobody in Canada gives a shit about this tournament, there’s evidently about 100 million Mexicans that do. Ole!

Canada-Jamaica at Scallywags

Posted in Canada, Gold Cup with tags , on July 2, 2009 by Grant

Canada opens its Gold Cup campaign on Friday evening with a matchup against Jamaica. We’ve prevented ourselves from getting too excited, as the last time Canada opened a qualifying round against Jamaica… well, yeah. But hey, it’s the biggest thing we’ll have going for quite a while, so may as well dive right in.

If you’re in Toronto and looking for a place to share the game with a
bunch of other weirdos in red, come by Scallywags at Yonge & St. Clair
and chug some bubbly with the three clowns from Some Canadian Guys, recurring website character Magpie Chris, and maybe some other Canadian soccer luminaries. Kickoff is at 8 p.m., and we’ll likely be heading out for karaoke afterwards. No flash photography.

See you there!

Happy you-know-what day!

Posted in Canada with tags on July 1, 2009 by squizz

With “Canadian” comprising one sixth of the name of our site (and about the same percentage of the content of our posts), we’d be remiss not to send a quick Happy Canada Day out to all of our readers in this wonderful land… and to the various random people from the U.S., England and elsewhere who somehow stumble onto our site from time to time, well, y’all have a nice day too.

In an early celebration of Canada’s 142nd birthday, the boys rolled out a 3-0 win over Guatemala yesterday in front of zero fans at the Home Depot Center an undisclosed location in Los Angeles (which is only 55 fewer than the game would have drawn if tickets were actually sold, which they weren’t). And, in what will hopefully be an occasion to keep the patriotic juices flowing, they open their Gold Cup campaign on Friday against Jamaica. We’re going to be making a night of it, so if you’re in Toronto, why not come and join us at a certain local pub? Details forthcoming…

Good news and bad news for you audio-visual types

Posted in Other with tags on June 28, 2009 by squizz

First the bad. We realize our podcasting delinquency is reaching epic proportions, but… no show this week. Jamie is out of town, while Grant and I will be busy, having been hired by the City of Toronto to pick up garbage following the Pride Parade. (That’s of course untrue, but I just wanna show that we’re all up-to-date on current events).

The good news (if you can call it that, which you probably can’t)… I’ll be filling in again as a co-host on the It’s Called Football show tomorrow. Tune in and watch live on Monday, June 29 at 2 p.m. Eastern on ThatChannel.com!

Zidane and Friends 3 – Canadian All-Stars 3

Posted in Other with tags , , , on June 26, 2009 by squizz
soccer 011

Don't be fooled, folks. Despite the jersey, this is not, in fact, Zinedine Zidane.

You mean you forgot Zizou was on our shores? How dare you! At least 7,000 or so Torontonians remembered that the former French hero was swinging by BMO Field last night, bringing along such illustrious friends of his as Samuel Eto’o, Gennaro Gattuso and Alessandro Costacurta… wait, what do you mean none of those guys showed up? How could the website promoting the tour lie to me? I mean, if you can’t trust a promotion that repeatedly misspells the name of its main attraction, who can you trust?

Rohan Ricketts is not a suitable replacement for Samuel Eto’o, guys… though Marco Materazzi would have been interesting.

All (deserved) mocking aside, the game was entertaining for what it was… a meaningless run-around charity game, and an excuse for scores of French-Canadians (the Eiffel Tower ones, not the poutine ones) to squeal and bang their feet every time their bald Algerian idol got near the ball. Read more »

Play it again, Uncle Sam

Posted in Canada, U.S. soccer with tags on June 24, 2009 by Grant

I was probably like most people I know in thinking that USA 2 Spain 0 was some sort of Internet error the first time I read it. But this is great folks, because soccer success for the U.S. will only benefit the game here.

Read more »

Some Canadian Guys summer trivia challenge

Posted in Other on June 23, 2009 by Grant

If you listened to the entirety of last week’s podcast, you probably came across a cheap little piece of humour ripped from The Simpsons in which we said that a particularly lame piece of CBC archival footage should “hold the little SOBs.”

Those little SOBs being you, our listeners and readers. But if you thought that was stooping low to create something out of nothing, then get a load of this. Due to extenuating circumstances – ie. one third of our group being in Nova Scotia for the next 10 days – our podcast schedule may be somewhat patchy over the next few weeks. (Although we are working on one special guest.)

In desperate need of summertime filler, we bring you the Some Canadian Guys summer trivia challenge.  The first person to email us at canadiansoccerguys@gmail.com with the the correct answer wins…. an autographed picture of us. You give us a mailing address, and we’ll send you the picture.

Our question honours North Korea’s against-all-odds qualification for the World Cup last week. The Norks have only qualified once previously, in 1966. Unless a member of their squad flees across the De-Militarized Zone into Seoul between now and next June, that will mean the North Koreans have twice gone to the World Cup with a squad made up solely of players based in their own domestic league.

There is only one other country (at least based on our moderately painstaking research) that has gone to the World Cup more than once and never once brought a player based outside of its own domestic league.

What country is it?

A look back at my Sunday

Posted in Other on June 22, 2009 by squizz

A Look Back At My Sunday
A Report By: Squizz
Sunday, June 21, 2009

My name is Squizz. I like soccer. I like soccer because it is fun and it is a good way to get exercise. My favourite team is Toronto FC. They play at BMO Field. You say it like this: BEE-MO. Mo is the man who runs the team, too. He is from Scotland, which is far away. Men wear dresses there. They’re called kilts. On Sunday here is what I did.

What I did on Sunday:

  • I woke up at 6:30 a.m. I put coffee in my mouth but didn’t really taste anything. Then I went to a soccer field. Then I ran a playoff soccer tournament for boys and girls for 8 hours. Sometimes I got coupons for free hot dogs and pop. That was fun. Sometimes I had grown ups yell in my face, and some other times I watched little boys and girls cry because they lost. That was not fun. Mom told me to put on sunscreen. I didn’t listen. Now my skin hurts.
  • I turned on the TV and watched the Confadurashuns Cup. Brazil won 3-0 against Italy. People like Brazil because they have yellow shirts and they play really good. People don’t like Italy because they wear shirts that are too small and they traditionally employ a stultifying, defence-and-simulation oriented style of play.
  • I went to BEE-MO Field and refereed four games in an adult recreational league. The grown ups didn’t have matching jerseys, or shin pads. Some of the grown ups had big mouths and liked to fall down. Those grown ups couldn’t kick the ball very good.

What I didn’t do on Sunday:

  • Record a podcast.

This is my report about why I like soccer. Thank you.

Toronto “wins” Canadian Championship: the day after

Posted in Montreal Impact, Nutrilite Canadian Championships, TFC, Vancouver Whitecaps on June 19, 2009 by squizz

Hey, victory. Nice to see you. It’s been a long time.

Not being a lacrosse fan, it’s been since the heady days of the early 1990s that I, as a Toronto sports junkie, have been able to experience the delirium that comes with seeing a team you support hoisting a trophy. Last night, in what more closely resembled a carnival game than a soccer match, Toronto FC returned that feeling to me (with a new twist – beer!)

I can safely say that (unless I’ve got childhood memories I’m repressing), I’ve never hugged a 50-year-old ponytailed man as vigorously as I did following the clinching goal by Chad Barrett (my boy!) I can also safely forgive myself for wandering into the middle of the road, hollering nonsensically and eating garbage (don’t ask), as everyone gets a 12-hour stupid behaviour grace period following a significant sporting win.

Now, do Whitecaps fans have a legitimate grievance with the Impact over that shambolic farce? Read more »

A drunken ode to Toronto FC

Posted in Canada, Nutrilite Canadian Championships with tags on June 19, 2009 by squizz

Okay, let’s be serious. It was stupid to believe that Toronto still had a chance of claiming the Canadian Championship, coming into the match against Montreal. Then the Impact did us the favour of turning in a disgraceful, disinterested performance. If I were a Whitecaps supporter, I’d be understandably pissed right now. But I’m not. So boo-fucking-yah. Chad Barrett finally redeems himself, DeRo pots a hat trick, and I’m over the moon. I now — sort of — know what being a happy sports fan is. I’d forgotten that feeling.

This is not an “ode” so much as a post, but go to hell, it’s better than nothing. Fuck yeah! CCL, here we come, mofos!

Gold Cup teams out?

Posted in Gold Cup, International with tags on June 18, 2009 by Grant

Update: Thanks to Lord Bob, we now know that the CSA plans to release the Gold Cup roster “early next week.”

The attention of most anyone in this country who cares about soccer is rightly focussed on TFC’s mission impossible in Montreal tonight, but….

It appears Costa Rica – which along with El Salvador and Jamaica join Canada in one of the Gold Cup groups – has released its team selection for the Copa de Oro. And according to this article, they’ve fielded close to full strength side. The headline says it all: The Tricolours bring the best they have to the Gold Cup

My Spanish is almost non-existent, but Google Translate appears to show that the team is missing only three players from the side now topping the Hex. And according to this story from El Salvador, their team was supposed to be announced by today? Any Spanish speakers that can help out would be appreciated.

I was unable to find a date on the CSA site as to when they would announce the Canadian team. Has that been announced?

On another mildly interesting note… I know we complain a lot (for good reason) that the Gold Cup is an insignificant tournament that no one gives a shit about, but I’ve been peeking at some Central American newspapers the past few days and there seems to be almost daily mention of the tournament. For example, one of the largest dailies in El Salvador had a poll running in it’s main sports section the other day asking: Is El Salvador ready for the Gold Cup?

More ready that we are, I imagine.

Ed. note: Here’s an English story about Costa Rica’s team selection

Arsenal Returns to the Top of the Table!

Posted in Arsenal, Chelsea, EPL, Liverpool, Manchester United with tags on June 17, 2009 by Jamie

The planets are back in their orbits. The sun has returned to it’s steady track across the sky. The heavensArsenal have cleared. All is once again right with the world.

Yes, dear friends, Arsenal is back where they belong – the top of the Premiership table.

Granted, it’s because the fixture list for the 2009-2010 EPL season has been announced, and the tables have been reset. And, because Arsenal is the first team in the default alphabetical list, they take the top spot in the table. But! I suggest to you that that is but reinforcement of their rightful spot as leaders of England’s top flight.

Forget getting three squillion Euros for a crybaby prettyboy who can’t drive very well, forget securing shady bank loans to buy every footballer on the planet Earth, forget making failed bids for players we all know are going to end up in Spain anyway (yes, Grant, I’m referring to Chelesa here), and, of course, forget anything that comes out of Rafa Benitez As we sit right now, Arsenal is top of the table. Fact. Read more »

Nothing could be finer, than podcast number niner

Posted in Podcasts on June 16, 2009 by Grant

In this show, Grant recounts watching an angry female driver flip the bird at a baby, Squizz makes perhaps the most obscene reference to Ronaldo and Paris Hilton yet, and Jamie discusses Youtube clips featuring Ali Gerba with the wind “billowing awkwardly up and around his shirt.”

Also: TFC’s chances in Montreal this Thursday, two Vancouver Whitecaps (with similar names) infighting on the pitch, Confederations Cup… and is any player possibly worth $130 million? Enjoy!

Some Canadian Guys Talking About Soccer, Episode #9

Multimedia goodness, with more to follow…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 15, 2009 by squizz

With Ben Knight away on sick duty, the It’s Called Football show inexplicably welcomed yours truly as a special guest co-host on Monday. We talk to Rohan Ricketts, I attempt to impress with some MLS statistics I cobbled together an hour before the show went to air, and we generally provide Canadian soccer fans with an unforgettable hour of pure magic.

View the archived video!

Also tonight, we recorded Some Canadian Guys Talking About Soccer, episode #9. The new podcast should drop some time on Tuesday.